It is 11:35 pm on a Saturday night. My husband is sound asleep, and I am...not. As the day of our sweet girl's arrival draws near, I can feel myself becoming a bit emotional. For instance, this morning when my husband told me he was going to go float the Salt River with his dad and brothers, I cried. Yep. Cried. And then when my husband told me I sounded crazy for being upset about that, since I was going to be gone from ten til noon, I proceeded to cry. Granted, crazy probably isn't the smartest adjective to assign your very pregnant wife, but he wasn't far from the truth.
These last few weeks have been really nuts. Going back to work has been great, but tiring. I have already started to cry about having to return after my maternity leave...and I haven't even started it yet! Last week, with two evening events for school and our Bradley class, mixed with family being in town, I feel like I have barely seen Danny, let alone spent quality time with him. By the time we get home, we are so tired we go straight to bed. Even though I am tired, sleeping hasn't been my strong suit the last couple nights. So here I am. Next week is also bound to be crazy. Danny has his month-end where he has to close out all the accounts for the company. That means Monday through Wednesday are lost. Thursday night we have our Bradley class and Friday we head to San Diego for Labor Day weekend...our last little vacation. So...I feel like time is slipping.slipping.slipping (into the future...) and I just want it to slow down. I want to be able to savor these last five weeks with Danny. I know our life is going to be exponentially better with our little girl, but I am also sad to say bye to these special times as a young newlyweds, just the two of us.
And I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about what motherhood holds for me. I just want to love on my sweet girl to the best of my ability. I hate that I am going to be torn between working and being at home. Today, my sisters-in-law and mother-in-law hosted the most beautiful baby shower. It had so many sweet details and lots of love invested in all the preparations. My friends surrounded us with great love and shared in our excitement. I brought the gifts home, but because I couldn't sleep tonight, I decided to go through them again and try to sort them a bit. It made it all so real. Setting up her closet, full of sweet dainty clothes, putting her bath stuff aside, gathering all her little stuffed animals. Pretty soon, she is going to see all of this. And she won't even care. She will just want her mama and papa to love on her and take sweet care of her. And I am so excited to do that. I have to remember that the things don't matter. Do we still need some pretty essential items? Yes. But can we survive without them? Absolutely.
All in all, dear friends, pray for us as the day approaches. This little mama is excited, and nervous, and scared, and anticipating...and emotional.